What if my husband is Mr. Grumpy?

Q: I'm new to this work. I've been doing it for about six months or so, and I've been doing the workshop and the meditation, which is wonderful. And one of the problems that I have is that my husband -– who is wonderful, I adore him -– but he's very negative, and I'll do my morning meditation and I do my workshop, and I just am elated and in total appreciation of the Universe, and I'm totally high and I'll go back in and he's Mr. Grumpy. And I'm....
Abe: Well, the good news is his vibration can't get into you. So whatever you are doing that is bringing you to that place of feeling good cannot be affected by his vibration, he cannot assert it into your experience.
Q: Right.
Abe: And so if you acknowledge him for a moment -– you walk in, he's Mr. Grumpy, it really hits you hard because he's in such a different place than you are. And you take the hit, and out of it you launch a rocket of desire which goes something like, "Gee, I wish he'd feel better. I wish he could find some of the joy I'm finding. I wish he felt as happy in this moment as I do." And then you turn your full attention to this desire that's been born out of this experience, and you forget who he is and instead pretend he is this so that you let him stimulate your vibration relative to him in a way that feels good to you. And with a little bit of practice, you can begin seeing him as he really is, not as he temporarily is.
Q: Okay.
Abe: In other words, he doesn't like feeling grumpy any more than you like him feeling grumpy, but here's the thing: so here you stand, let's say you've been meditating, you've been walking, you're feeling really good. You come in and, under normal circumstances, if you were just following your bliss you would just keep running, you wouldn't even stop at that house where the grumpy one is. (Laughter from audience.) Because it's not a vibrational match to who you are. But you have this obligation, in other words you have this commitment, you have this paper that says you live there and so (more laughter) you stop there, you defy the guidance that is within you and you do what you 'should' do rather than what your guidance would encourage you to do otherwise. In other words, don't you find yourself making as many excuses as you can to do all the other things that feel good and then you sort of drag yourself home because the – and so there you are. You've been hit with the negative vibration, or with the different vibration, and it doesn't feel very good, and now in that moment you have a choice: which thought feels better? So now you can look at him as he is, and as you address it, whether you're saying 'yes' to it or 'no' to it or you're saying 'this is what it is' -– it does not matter whether you're making any judgment about it or not -– as you observe his vibration, whatever it is, it begins to be included in your vibration.
Q: Yeah.
Abe: And you begin to feel the drowning of your cork, you begin to feel the lowering of your vibration, you begin to feel the separation of you from your Source energy. And then the impulse for most –- we're not feeling it much in you, you're using light and fluffy sweet-like words about this grumpy darling (laughter) –- as you acknowledge that he is the temporary reason that you are not as connected to your Source energy as you once were. Now here's where your choice comes in. You can call that a bad thing and really be unhappy about it, or you can acknowledge that he is just a particle of the Universe that has achieved his vibration in whatever way he has and let him vibrate however he chooses while you fill your head or your mind or your day with thoughts that feel better to you. And what will begin to happen is you will be living in your endless loop while he is living in his endless loop, and one or the other of you will then make the decision to join the other.
Q: Right. Part of what I -– and I'm a fixer, probably a typical woman,I want to help people, sort of... so I want to fix him, I want to share with him my delight and my joy, and I know that's part of where the problem is, going in and....
Abe: Well, the problem with that, you see, nothing is more annoying to the one being fixed (laughter) than to be in the place of not feeling very good and have some bright-eyed, bushy-tailed person trying to fix them. In other words, nobody wants to learn that they're the creator of their own reality when they're in a place they don't like being. In other words, you're wanting to watch for his time of connection before you offer -– in other words, here's the rule of thumb: talk endlessly to your mate as long as you are feeling good while you are talking.
Q: Okay.
Abe: In other words, share with him endlessly as long as you are feeling good. And the most important thing that we would say to you about this specific person is he is finding his own way of connecting, and his way may not be your way, and it doesn't make his way wrong or your way right or other way around. Because you are both wanting the same thing. We promise you that there is not anything that he would want for you more than for you to be joyful. But sometimes when a person is really joyful and you want to be joyful but aren't, their joy just reminds you that you're not where you want to be. And the response looks like they don't really want you to be joyful when if you were to ask him, he wants your joy as much as he wants life itself. He loves the fact that you are joyful. And so what you have to do is not give so much attention to how he's feeling. In other words, how he's feeling is really much less of your business than you think that it is. Don't give so much of your attention to how he's feeling. Let your attention be about how *you're* feeling. And now here's where it becomes a little complex, but here's where the answer is: "How am I feeling about how you're feeling?" (Laughter.)"How am I feeling about how you're feeling? Well, you're feeling crummy, and now I'm feeling crummy about your feeling crummy, which means you now have power in my experience." And so what you're wanting '– you're wanting to feel good about him feeling crummy. Now, how can you feel good about him feeling crummy? (Laughter.) By understanding that it's temporary, by understanding that he's not always [feeling crummy], by understanding that you sometimes feel crummy too but that you can raise your vibration, by understanding that in that crummy experience there is a rocket of desire that is going off and by understanding that the rocket of desire is the nugget. By understanding that his life experience is honing out something that is very powerful. And sometimes you can stand back at a distance while he's having this contrasting experience and as he gives birth to a rocket of desire sometimes you can get a glimpse of the rocket even though he can't. And so when your grumpy friend launches a rocket and you start looking at the rocket instead of at your grumpy friend, now you're in a place that you're helping. In other words, now you're anticipating on his behalf. That's what a true uplifter does –- you let the contrast produce the rocket and you fixate on his rocket of desire even though he can't, because when you fixate on someone you love's rocket of desire, they are more likely to find vibrational harmony with it every now and again, too. It's like you're a satellite dish beaming the signal and making it more accessible to him.
Q: Mm-hm.
Abe: But when you do the opposite, which is to say, "Oh. You're feeling crummy. Now I'm feeling crummy," all that's happened is that he has influenced you into a lower vibration when what you want is to influence him into a higher vibration. Q: And that's not what he wants anyway. To bring me down. Yes. Abe: Last thing he wants. The last thing he wants is to be down himself, you see. Nobody gets discouraged on purpose. Nobody feels unworthy on purpose. None of you did it all at once. All of you did it just one little thought at a time, and you'll get out of it one little thought at a time, too. Oh, it is so exhilarating, it is such a gift to give to a grumpy person (laughter), to be joyful yourself. Because every part of him wants that, and there is an osmosis that begins to take place. In other words, you just can't be around a joyful person without either being driven to crisis or becoming more joyful yourself. And in either case, another rocket of desire will be born. In other words, the crisis just produces stronger desire which makes the happy person that is around you even more influential. Think about it. No one can lose, no matter what the circumstances are, because you can choose this end of the stick and focus upon it, which means Law of Attraction will embellish and enhance and give you more of that. Or you can focus on [the other] end of the stick which just means that sooner or later you're going to shoot off a rocket of desire. And so in either case the desire will be born within you, in either case you will be the fulfilling of the intention that you established. The question that we are asking here is how long are you willing to stand in a place of not being a vibrational match to your desires? Why are you tolerating the uncomfortable vibration? We want to put it to you very bluntly, and so we will. (Laughter.) Why are you using your husband as even a temporary excuse to not feel as joyful as you want and deserve to feel? "I don't know, it's just habit. Doesn't feel very good, though." It's because most of you have not understood what your guidance system is, and most of you have not understood that you are wired selfishly. That you are wired to feel good. You are wired to feel good. But so many of you think that "now that I'm wired to feel good that means the rest of the world should stand on its head in order to provide something good-feeling for me to observe." And the rest of the world is not one bit interested in satisfying your selfish desire because the rest of the world is after *its* selfish desire, and that's the way it must be. That's why everything continues to evolve. The one-celled amoeba is out there in the ocean having its personal experience and having its personal exposure to its personal experience, and its desire is being born, and in the moment that its desire is being born Nonphysical is answering it, and that is why it is evolving as it is. That is why all things in this Universe are as they are. Everything is evolving because the Universe is answering every selfish desire.
Q: The other thing, what you were just talking about is, it's kind of like when I get to feeling so good and I'm confronted with his mood, it brings to mind the question of since the rest of the world isn't as joyous and hasn't reached that state, how can I feel about being there myself when there's...?
Abe: Because you are selfishly wired, and because when you look in the pile of sticks there are plenty of things you can look at. And because what you're saying otherwise is, "How do I have the right to feel good when there are others who do not feel so good?"
Q: Right.
Abe: And we say you can't get sick enough to make the sick ones well.
Q: (Laughing.) Right.
Abe: You can't get poor enough to make the poor ones prosperous. In other words, that's not the way that it works. The way that it works -– your only hope in helping anyone is to connect to the stream, and when you connect to the stream then the Source energy flows through you, and then whatever you are giving your attention benefits, you see. But you must be selfish enough to keep yourself in vibrational concert with that stream before you have anything to give anyone, you see. You are joy-seeking beings who have come forth into what we see as the perfect environment for desire to be born within you. What this workshop is about –- we know you could speak it as clearly as we can now, we've said it enough times to you today -– what your work is about is to bring yourself into vibrational harmony with allowing the energy that is you to flow. And in simple terms, what that means is your work is to look wherever you stand, whether you are looking in the past, present or future, your work is to consume your now with the thought that feels best. With the thought that feels best, with the thought that feels best, with the thought that feels best. And there are always choices there for you. In other words, you can look at the hole in the wall or you can look at the beautiful painting. You can look at the lightbulb that is out or you can see the lightbulb that is working. You can look at your mate in his positive aspect or you can look at your mate in his negative aspect. You can look at your own body and find something that pleases you or find something that doesn't. You can remember your childhood and find something of pleasure or you can find something that makes you feel discouraged. You can remember a compliment or you can remember somebody down on you. You can remember your love or you can remember your hate. In other words, you have that choice in every moment, and you are the definers of that. You are focusers of energy, that's what a creator is. A creator is someone who stands in their now and focuses energy, and you are in the perfect environment to do that, you see. There.