Happy for No Reason

I thought it would be namby-pamby or filled with fluff until I read this paragraph in the introduction:

"My first major discovery was that scientists have found that we each have a `happiness set-point,' the genetic and learned tendency to remain at a certain level of happiness, similar to a thermostat setting on a furnace. Fortunately for those of us not born on the sunny side of the street, it's been shown that we can change our happiness set-points. I'll discuss this more in the next chapter and offer you specific exercises throughout the book to raise your happiness set-point."

As I read the book I was surprised at most every turn. I was delighted that she included Mark McKergow's Solution Focus Technique--a longtime favorite of mine that keeps you focused on what's working in your life instead of on what's not working.

...And that she actually tells how to do one of Chunyi Lin's Spring Forest Qigong techniques that energizes the body and literally brings you feelings of happiness and joy.

Part of her process in studying happiness was to interview 100 truly happy people. Another surprise was finding a link where I could actually listen to highlights of the interviews online.

So...I'd get the book.

My Mate Controls Me And I Feel Smothered

„I was so happy to find this person. We are so compatible in so many ways. And I know that we
truly enhance our experience with each other. We do everything together. And we‘re realy good at working and living togeher. We like the same kinds of food, and enjoy the same kinds of people. And we have very similar interests. In fact, if we were to fill out one of those compatibility surveys, I‘m pretty sure we would be found to be a perfect match for each other. But lately I‘ve begun to feel not free. My mate seems so involved in everything that I do, that I can hardly consider going off and doing something without her. And I realized the other day that I am weary of having to take her point of view into consideration with every decision that I‘m making. I just don‘t feel free. I have a friend who is diligently looking for a mate and I found myself thinking, „You‘d be better off than you know without a mate“. That startled me. Because I‘ve always thought that it was so much better to have someone to share your life with. But maybe we‘re not meant to share every moment, every thought and every idea. I feel smothered.“

No matter how intensely intertwined you find yourself with another person, your relationship is
affected many more times by the thoughts that are moving around in your own mind, than by the other person who is moving around in your house or in your life experience. That‘s why it‘s so interesting to us to see people working so hard to controlling one another while working very little on controlling their own thoughts and perceptions. Especially since they have no real control over another, and they do have complete control over their own thoughts and perceptions. People often believe that they‘d feel so much better if their mate would just change in this way or that way, but that truly is a backward approach to things. When you say, „I‘ll feel better if you‘ll make this change in your behaviour or personality“, what you‘re actually saying is, „My happiness is dependant upon your willingness and ability to modify your behaviour, therefore I am powerless“. The reason why so many people are so very hard on those they live or interact with is because everyone inherently wants to be happy. But they also believe that their happiness is dependant upon things over which they actually have no control.
In the beginning of most new relationships things go along rather well, since both of you are
predominantly looking for positive aspects in the other. And in the beginning both of you are
unnaturally forcing yourself to work harder at pleasing the other. But when you behave from the
vantage point of trying to please another, rather than from the point of personal alignment, you set yourself up for a great amount of trouble. For it‘s not possible to hold someone else‘s desires as the center of your attention, because as a creator you simply are not wired that way. By trying to please others, you incourage a distorted idea that someone else is responsible for their happiness, which in the long run disempowers them and makes them unhappy. We could accurately say that the harder you try to make others happy, the more unhappy they
become. Because they become dependant on behaviour outside of themselves, over which they have no control, rather than being in alignment within themselves over which they have complete control. So, by holding you mate as your object of attention, telling yourself how much you love her, and how important it is to you that she is happy, and then by trying to control her happiness through your actions, it is no wonder that you feel smothered. Because attempting this impossible task requires an enormous amount of your time and attention. Also, in most cases, the more you try to control circumstances in order to enhance the experience of others, the more dependant they become on your behaviour. And in time the more demanding they become. You are innately such independent beings, that the more dependent you become, the unhappier you become. Interesting, is it not, that your intentions were to make the other happy, but instead you‘ve incouraged less happiness? Your only chance of influencing another to happiness is for you to truly be happy. And the only way for you to truly be happy is to achieve a state of vibrational alignment between you and you.
So, let‘s apply this formula specifically to the subject of your desire for your mate‘s happiness.
Scenario 1: You want your mate to be happy. You observe her, and you notice that she is happy.
Your desire and what you‘re observing match. Therefore, you are in alignment, ant therefore you feel happy.
Scenario 2: You want your mate to be happy. You observe she is not happy about something. Your desire and what you‘re observing do not match. Therefore, you are not in alignment, ant therefore you do not feel happy.
Scenario 3: You want your mate to be happy. You observe that she is not happy about something.
You do everything you can think of to make her feel better. She is distracted from her misalignment and feels temporarily better. You like that she feels better, and now take responsibility for her feeling better. She now becomes dependent upon your behaviour for the way she feels. She gradually loses her sense of independence, which now makes her unhappier. And so, you try harder on making her happy. But she becomes even more unhappy, because your behaviour is offered from the flaud premise that you should, or even can, make another person happy.
Scenario 4: You want your mate to be happy. You observe she is not happy about something. You use the power of your mind to ignore how she is feeling right now, and you fixate on something that allows you to continue to be happy. She thinks you should be paying more attention to her, and that you should be trying harder to make her happy. Your happiness is your dominant desire, so you selfishly ignore her unhappy state, and remain happy. In your success of remaining happy, because you‘ve practised it a great deal, you remain in alignmet with your broader perspctive. Because you are in alignment with your greater resources, your timing is good, your clarity is good, your vitality is good, and you feel wonderful. Because you are in alignment with your greater resources, you‘re emitting a strong vibrational signal of Well-Being. And because your mate wants to feel good, and the vibration that you are emitting is all about that, she is influenced vibrationally to her own alignment. In other words, because of your selfish desire to remain connected to your own resources of Well-Being, you were able to uplift your mate to what she wanted as well.
But this is the most important part of all – no matter how much alignment you‘ve achieved, and no matter how strong your vibrational signal of Well-Being is, it is the work of your mate to bring
herself into alignment with that signal. You cannot do that for another person.
So, what it really comes down to is that you really have to love others enough to encourage their
alignment, which is the only thing that can make them happy. So, of course, be as loving and nice to the people around you as you can be, but not because you‘re attempting to fill some void for them through your behaviour. Be loving and nice because you are in alignment with who you really are.
And here is the most important factor to remember – it‘s very simple to want to feel good and to
practise the directing of your thoughts until you do, it is extremely complicated to try to affect the behaviour or emotional state or alignment of another. Tend to your own vibrational balance, and let the Law of Attraction do the rest of the work..
So, start where you are and try to find downstream statements. For instance,
I feel smothered.
I‘m tired of having to consider what my wife wants regarding everything I do.
I wish she get involved in something that would get her attention away from me.
So, that‘s where you are. Now, rather than looking for relief by getting your partner to change in
some way, try to find relief through your own thoughts.
Regardless of what my partner wants or thinks, I can think my own thoughts.
I do not have to consider her response to my every thought.
A big part of what I feel is because of what goes on in my own mind.
I am free to think my own thoughts.
Now, this stream of thoughts is definitely downstream, and you‘re now feeling better.
My mate isn‘t really trying to control me.
Our way of living together is just evolved.
It isn‘t that I actually disagree with her about much of anything.
We are very compatible in many ways.
She‘s never tried to dominate or control my thinking.
My feeling of being smothered is more about my jumbled mind than anything else.
I can sort out my thoughts if I try.
I am in control of my own thoughts.
There are endless subjects that I can focus on.
I am free to pursue any interest I decide on.
Now, once you get pointed downstream, it‘s rather easy to continue to find better feeling thoughts.
For instance,
I don‘t have to sort out everything at once.
Our relationship is predominantely very positive.
I‘m experiencing no actual confinement.
That smothered feeling has now lifted completely.
If it ever returns, I know why and what to do about it.

Moving Up The Vibrational Stick!

Are you understanding that you are vibrational beings? Are you understanding that everything is vibrational and that your experience, no matter who you are, whether you are physical or Non-physical, whether you are human or insect, your perspective, or that which you perceive, is only about your translation of vibration?You Are Creating From The Inside Out In this tangible, physical world, where you can see and smell and hear and taste and touch, your physical senses are literally your interpreters of vibrations. And so, the world you perceive is about your sensors that are interpreting it from vibration to perception. When you look at your television, a similar thing is taking place: A mechanism has projected and translated, and now you are using other physical human sensors to further translate. You don't look at your television and assume that somehow those people are really in that little box. You know that the screen, or the process, is giving you an interpreted version of something. And everything in your world is that. It's hard for you to get a sense of that, because you are surrounded with so many other interpreters who are born with similar sensors or senses to yours. And so, when we say to you, what you see with your eyes is an interpretation of vibration, what you feel with your fingertips, what you hear with your ears, what you smell with your nose, all that you are experiencing is vibrational interpretation, you say (because so many of you are having a similar experience) "Well, this interpretation of vibration is reality." And we say, the reason you are calling it reality is because so many others are agreeing with you, in general terms, about the reality you are perceiving. But, in truth, you are all interpreting uniquely from your perspective. We approach your physical experience in a rather unusual way because once you understand that you are vibrational interpreters,then you can deliberately take it further. Then you can go beyond your physical senses, which are interpreting vibration by utilizing your emotional basis, which is a further interpretation of more defined, intricate interpreting. Your emotions tell you more subtle vibrations. Everything is about vibration. And everything that you are perceiving is already vibrating. When you give anything your attention -- whatever its vibration is -- it now becomes included in your vibration. So it is true that everything that you are allowing yourself to ponder or remember or imagine or observe affects your vibration. And many would say, "Well, so what?" And we say, it is a very important "so what." Since Law of Attraction is what is sorting all of this out, then whatever it is you are offering in your vibration is what Law of Attraction is giving back to you. Whatever you are observing, or whatever you are pondering, or whatever you are imagining, or whatever you are giving your attention to -- whether you are remembering it from past, or observing it in the now or imagining it in the future -- whatever you are giving your attention to is causing your vibration to be what it is. And whatever it is, is your point of attraction. As Esther was watching the television and hearing about some recent violence, she said, "Abraham, if we were to turn off our televisions, if everyone on the planet were to unplug the television today, would that decrease that violence we are seeing?" We said, dramatically and instantly: It would become a new world in a moment. Then we said to Esther: If you were to turn off your television, you would no longer be a part of it. You could allow whatever other people are choosing. By withdrawing your attention, you would no longer have vibrational access to any of it. And that is really a much better way to approach it. Rather than asking everyone to do what you think needs to be done so that they can all feel like you think they need to feel, why not you just do it? Because whatever you are offering in your vibration is only what will affect you. You don't even have to turn your television off. You can just be so clear about who you are and what you want that you could get the best from your television. You could become such a vibrational selective sifter, that in the same way that violence never touches you out in the world, it would not come to you through your television. You would never cower in a corner, hiding from someone. You would not dodge bullets, or even dodge mayhem in traffic, because your vibration does not include that... As you would give your attention only to what you are wanting, your vibration would be such that you would not rendezvous even with those negative things that are projected on the television. If you would make a determination that "There are plenty of things on the television that are in vibrational harmony with that which I want and that which I am, and those are the things that will come to me," then you will find yourself not cowering in some corner of seclusion trying to prevent yourself from rendezvousing with those things you do not want. Deliberate Creating is adjusting your vibration so that you have access only to that which you are choosing. You have been deliberate, or have wanted to be deliberate, about controlling your own experience. But the thing that most humans have not understood in their sorting out the details of life and in the choosing of the specific details that you are wanting to live is that the sorting is not about looking at the results of what has been created and then dividing it into piles of wanted and unwanted, saying yes to these things and no to these things (That has not been working very well for you.) because Law of Attraction says, everything that you give your attention to is like saying yes to it. In Law of Attraction world, there is no such thing as no. Because when you're looking at something wanted and shouting yes to it, you are including it in your vibration. But when you are looking at something you don't want and you are shouting no at it, you are including something you do not want in your vibration. And so, as you are sorting out the piles of creation, and you are saying yes to these things, and no to those things, you are creating a sort of jumbled vibration, or point of attraction, that is allowing you access to things you don't want. We call this seminar the Science of Deliberate Creation. ("Science", because it is forever expanding, and deliberate because you are being purposeful about it.) The "Science of Deliberate Creation" is about offering your vibration on purpose, perceiving on purpose, pondering on purpose, remembering on purpose. It means thinking on purpose. It means observing on purpose. It means reaching for, in a purposeful manner, those things that you would like to participate with. Your Point of Power is Right Now! Your Guidance System, your emotional mechanism, is your mechanism by which you understand more fully the vibration of your being. And since everything is vibration, your Guidance System is the mechanism by which you understand your creating in this moment. And all creation is taking place in this moment. Your power is here and now, because here and now is where you are vibrating. You cannot attract your past. You are not vibrationally there. Perceptually, you are standing here, you are perceiving here, you are attracting here. This is your point of power. This is your point of attraction. So how you feel right now, right now, how you feel right now, right now... Whether you are thinking about then or now, or tomorrow, it doesn't matter whether you are perusing past, present or future -- how you are feeling NOW as you are perusing past, present or future, IS your indicator of your point of attraction. Creating from the inside out says, "I will generate the feeling, which will cause the vibration, which will affect the attraction." Creating from the outside in says, "I will ponder that thing that has happened, and then I will have a feeling response to it." If you are creating from the outside in, which almost everyone is, then you become one of the millions on your planet who then believe that you must somehow join together, and with enough force, that you can demand behavior from other beings, so that you can feel better about what you see: "When I see you, sweet one, I feel wonderful. But when I see you, rotten one, (fun) I feel terrible. So you need to change your behavior so that when I see you I feel better. You, rotten one, need to behave more like you, sweet one. And when you do, I'll be happy." The problem is, rotten one doesn't even know he's rotten. All he's trying to do is satisfy his own desires. And the fact that his desires differ from your desires is what makes you call him rotten one. And it is not a problem for him, because he calls you rotten one, too. You are using each other as your excuse to not feel good a good part of the time. And what we're wanting you to understand is that that very conditional approach to life, which says, "Under these conditions I feel good, let me applaud and support these conditions. But under these conditions I feel bad, so let me join forces to try to destroy these conditions" will never get you anywhere. You are born in a diverse Universe where there will always be more that you disagree with than that with which you agree, on the peripheral leading edge of thought. When you believe that you have to clean it all up in order to feel good, you've got a task you cannot complete. But when you understand that it's about creating a vibration, which is your point of attraction, from the inside -- then you only have access to those things that you are wanting. As you learn to adjust your vibration or affect your emotions deliberately, now you have access only to those vibrational things out there in the Universe that are a vibrational match to that -- and it is an ever so much easier way to create. And it is in keeping with what you know from your broader, Non-physical perspective. You said, "I will adjust my vibration, which is my way of allowing the Well-being that is natural to me, to flow." The key word in there is: "allowing", because Well-being is flowing to you. And you are, in differing degrees, allowing or not allowing it. No one is depriving you of anything. But sometimes you do not allow the Stream of Well-being that would flow to you otherwise. You have established rather definite, habitual patterns of thought relative to many subjects. And some of your habits of thought serve you very well, because they matche your now desire. But some do not serve you very well, because they do not match your desire: Your belief in illness, your belief in decline, your belief in aging, (in the way you mean it, not moving through time, but declining through time) those beliefs do not serve you well. Your belief in vulnerability, your belief in violence, your belief in bad things happening to good people--those beliefs do not serve you well. Your belief in cancer, in AIDS, your belief in getting run over by big things, your belief in falling out of the sky in airplanes -- they are all valid beliefs, but they do not serve you well. And so, what we're wanting to begin to help you do is to sort out your beliefs, but not in terms of their reality, because, in truth, everything is real. You say to your children, "Well, you don't have to believe in that, because that's not a real thing. That's a pretend thing." And we say, if it is evoking negative emotion within them as they are watching this horrible thing at the movie theatre, on television or wherever, whether it is real or not is not the issue. How it is making them or you feel is the only issue that is important. Anything that affects your vibration is affecting your overall experience. Every Stick Has Two Ends Every subject is really two subjects: There is that which is wanted and lack of it. There is the subject of wellness or not. There is the subject of abundance or not. There is the subject of light or not. Every subject is of that which is wanted or of the lack of it, or the absence of it. Every Subject is Two Subjects: That Which is Wanted and the Lack of It! When you pick up the very long Stick (or subject) that has two ends to it, the stick that has the label "money" or "abundance", the only question that is really important to you is: "Which end of this Stick am I vibrating on?" If you really want to know: what you are living is your evidence of that -- because whatever you are thinking and feeling, and whatever you are getting, is always a vibrational match. The manifestation that you are living is a true indicator of what the vibrational content of your offering is. When you pick up the Stick that says "money", you can tell, you can feel it in your solar plexus, which end of it you're vibrating on. You can feel eagerness and enthusiasm, or you can feel worry and concern. You can feel whether you're thriving or whether you're worried. When you pick up the Stick that says moving through time, maturing, aging, living... You can feel which end of it you're vibrating on: "Eager, happy for my evolution, worried, or not liking the wrinkles under my eyes..." You can tell. When you pick up the Stick about wellness, you can feel whether you have confidence in your vitality, or whether you're worried about some limitation. You can tell by the way you feel. And that's really what we're wanting to help you with. We want to help you to identify clearly what your now vibration is relative to things that matter to you. And we want to show you (and we promise you we have endless ways of going about it) how to vibrate more with the end of the Stick that you are choosing than with the end of the Stick that you chose without knowing you were choosing it. It's what we call Creation by Default: Vibrating all over the place by virtue of what you've been observing, so you're offering vibrations that are limiting you and offering vibrations that are keeping you from some things that you are wanting. You are offering vibrations that are attracting to you things you don't want, and you are offering vibrations that are attracting to you things you do want. You are full of vibrations -- many of them are serving you, many are not. We want to help you to deliberately, consciously clean up your vibrational offering and to start offering a purer signal. It's what we call Setting your Tone. You get to choose what you offer vibrationally -- and in doing so, you get to choose what comes back to you. But if you are letting what you're observing choose it, then you're vibrating all over the place. Then you are feeling a little bit like Esther was this morning after watching the violence, "Please, let's just all unplug the televisions and stop this madness." And we say, it will only stop some of it, because you'd be out there with your eager eyes exploring things that are none of your business, causing vibrations within you that are attracting things you do not want. And all of that is part of the fantastic voyage through human consciousness. You wanted every bit of that. You said, "I will go forth into this sea of contrast, because I know, in my exploration of these things of variance and difference, that out of it will be produced within me a focusing mechanism, a creative genius. Out of it will be focused within, new desire, new unto the Universe, new unto me -- new unto All-That-Is. The Cycle of Creation So here's how it works: Here you are, examining the contrast, and out of it is born a new desire. Now, in the beginning, this desire feels very strange to you, because it is not anything you have felt before. It was born out of the contrast. It's a new and different vibration for you. It feels weird, because this is not where you are accustomed to vibrating. So now your work is to turn and look at this new desire. Never mind what produced it -- turn and look at the new desire. Talk about it. Think about it. Imagine it. Play with it. Let it become familiar. And when it becomes more familiar than where you were when it was born, now you and it are vibrationally the same, and Law of Attraction must bring you together, and a manifestation occurs...

Neither money nor poverty makes joy

Jerry: Abraham, there‘s a saying that money doesn‘t make for a happiness. But on the other hand, I have noticed that poverty doesn’t make for a happiness either. But still it’s obvious that money isn’t the path to a happiness. So, if the idea of achieving something does bring us happiness, does that mean that the achievement is an appropriate goal for us to set? And how does a person maintain his or her feeling of happiness when reaching one’s goal is taking a lot of their time and energy? In other words, it often seems that it’s a sort of uphill climb to reach the goal, and then there is a short plateau of rest, but then an almost immediate tedious climb to achieve the next goal. In other words, how does a person keep all of the climbing toward their goals joyous, so there is not that struggle, struggle, struggle, and then, “Wow, I’ve made it!”, and then struggle, struggle, struggle, and, “Oh, here, I’ve made it again!”?
Abraham: You‘re right, money is not the path to happiness, and, as you‘ve observed, poverty
certainly is not the path to happiness either. It‘s so important to remember, that when you offer any action for the purpose of achieving happiness, you’re truly going about it in a backward way.
Instead, use your ability to focus your thoughts and words toward things that cause you to feel
better and better, and once you’ve deliberately achieved a state of happiness, not only will
wonderful actions be inspired, but wonderful results must follow.
Most people give the majority of their attention to whatever is happening in their experience right now, which means, if the results please them, they feel good, but if the results do not please them, they feel bad. But that’s really going about life the hard way. If you only have the ability to see what-is, then things cannot improve. You must find a way to look optimistically forward in order to achieve any improvement in your experience.
When you learn how to deliberately focus your thoughts toward good-feeling things, it’s not
difficult to find happiness and maintain it even before your goal has been accomplished. The feeling of struggle you were describing happens because of the continual comparison of where you are right now in relationship to the goal you’re reaching for. When you’re constantly taking score, noticing the distance that still needs to be traveled, you amplify the distance, the task, the effort, and that’s why it feels like such an uphill struggle.
When you care about how you feel, and so you choose thoughts on the basis of how they feel, you
then develop patterns of thought that are more forward looking. And as the LOA then responds to those better-feeling thoughts, you get more pleasing results. Struggle, struggle, struggle never leads to a happy ending. It defies Law. “When I get there then I’ll be happy” is not a productive mindset, because unless you’re happy, you can’t get there. When you decide to first be happy, then you’ll get there.

Objects of Attention

If you are angry at someone, [you feel] discord. If you are appreciating someone, you are in alignment. So, in meditation, there is just the aligning of energy, and that is the way we teach meditation. It is the way to be awake and tune yourself into the frequency of nonresistance, in the frequency of alignment.What we always say about meditation is, we'd rather see you in appreciation. Because in appreciation, your mind is active and aligned and that's a fuller use of the creative you than a quieted mind which is offering no resistance. But we would encourage, if your mind is scattered and is taking you in opposition, then, of course, you want to quiet it.But if your mind is active, and it is moving you in the direction of the call of Source, then, of course, we want to encourage that.
When you hold someone as our object of attention and you feel glorious while you do it, you call them in. You call them to the Vibrational Escrow that they have amassed that you've lined up with. You serve as a catalyst that calls them forward. And it is interesting. They might hear you even more than they might hear their Source Energy because there's something about
deciphering the energy through you that makes it easier for them to receive
You're operating like a satellite dish that beams the signal in. Because you are translating it into real life, really world experience, you see.Oh, the benefit you offer to someone when you tune into your Source Energy and then hold them as your object of attention. You just cannot offer anyone a greater gift than that.
What does somebody do who cares about people of all religions? How do you bear something like this where you are watching so many people having so much suffering and you do not have any control...You don't have control over the behavior and actions of what the others do... how do you stand it? And even more, how could you experience it in joy?...As you observe it from your perspective and you contribute your rockets of desires, that larger part of you becomes what you want relative to this. And then you reach for thoughts that feel better and better and better and better. You try to find a way of becoming aligned with the thoughts you have launched.And when you do, your power of influence is more than that of millions! A handful of you, lying in your beds and caring about something, most of all, caring about coming into alignment with YOU, can do more about opening a vortex for resolution than the diplomats who are there with their pens pointed at the documents.You have so much more power of influence than you know. But it requires understanding that this is not an action based world, it's a vibrational world. Until you accept that it's vibrationally based, you won't accept the power that you have...Lie in the boardroom of your bed, and take the time to come into alignment with your dream about what is happening. And come into resonance with that alignment. Because finally you are sleeping instead of fretting, smiling instead of crying. Finally you are in alignment with the dream that your awareness of what is happening has caused you to dream.And when you come into alignment, you have contributed mightily.As long as you don't care who gets the credit, you can be of huge value. Because... the diplomats WILL take the credit.
Your happiness is the most significant contribution that you could make. In your reaching for happiness, you are opening a vortex which makes you an avenue for the Well-being to flow through you. And anything that is your object of attention under those conditions, benefits by the infusion of your Well-being.